Round Two Assignment: Mix 'n Match

This week, we're going to take another crack at flash fiction. You've got 100 words to tell a story. It must have a title and subtitle (which don't count toward the 100), a beginning, a middle, and an end. It should have conflict or tension and resolution. It's hard to do this well. Editing is the key. Make every sentence as tight as you can. To get started, pick one from each column.

Characters	Setting	Genre
The Desperate Housewives	Vacation Paradise	Science Fiction
The Nutty Kids from Happy Days	Deserted Town	Romance
The Three Musketeers	The Matrix	Fantasy
A Superhero Group (Superfriends, X-Men, etc.)	A Religious Conference or Rally	Horror
The Beatles	Backyard BBQ	Mystery
Any Star Trek Crew	Dark Forest	Western
A Group of Professional Athletes	A Trade Show	Historical Fiction
Dr. Phil, Oprah, Judge Judy, and Gary Busey	A Large Vehicle	Spy Thriller
Bush's Cabinet	A Castle	Medical Thriller
Blue Man Group	Big Sporting Event	Crime
The American Idol Judges plus host Ryan Seacrest	Meet The Press	Fairy Tale
Charlie's Angels	Narnia	End Times (e.g. Left Behind series)
The South Park kids	Space Station	Teen Novel
Several US Founding Fathers	A Reunion of Some Sort	Clancy, Cussler, etc.

Try not to pick obvious combinations. Imply your choices in your title, and also list them explicitly in your subtitle. Example:

Ringo Categorically Denies Knowledge of the Apocalypse
(Beatles, Meet The Press, End Times)

Your flashy goodness is due at 11 p.m., US EST, Wednesday, April 5.

Entries for Round One

Yeah, I'll still take entries and prize pool $$ until 11, but I wanted to get these up so folks who are leaving for the weekend can see them. Rank these from one to whatever, with one being the best. Don't rank your own. Email me your rankings at the usual addy by Monday night at 11 pm, US EST. Don't forget some snippy editorial commentary. That's the special sauce.

Christina Nipplegate:

Baby, I'm sorry for the scrabble
I thought you loved the game
And I may be full of babble
But this is causing lots of pain

The first time that we competed
We picked seven for our tray
The 10 point word I completed
Was V-A-G-I-N-A

We laughed for hours on the floor
Then you said you'd never lie to me
Or treat me like (a metaphor)
I don't understand 'cause of Calliope.

Please don't leave me, I love you a lot
More than can be said with a likeness
An ancient Greek goddess I am not
So I hope you really like this.

The Phantom:

I love the morning
When you wake up
Before me
Because I can sleep later
Much later
Fifteen minutes later
While you shower
That makes me happy and
it lets me sleep 15 minutes
later than I would have if
you didn't wake up before me.

I could not love you more
if you took twenty minutes
not fifteen
twenty
and maybe if you brought me
coffee in bed
coffee in bed
cream with two sugars
because I love coffee
and I love you
you are really great
I love you
You'll just have to
trust me on that.

Your Sharona:

My Love For You Is Like (A Lot)

(verse)
I don't like it when we fight
We've always been so tight
You know that I don't do metaphors
And you aren't like all the other . . . girls

(chorus)
My love for you is like, a lot
Way way more than smoking pot
My love for you is like, a lot
Please don't make me sleep on this cot

(bridge)
And who knows if this is even art
I really wish Calliope hadn't thrown that Jart
And I'm sorry that I gave you Scrabble
I saw a commercial while watching cable

(prerequisite melodramatic screamed word)
CAAAAABLLLLEEEEE!!!

(unintelligible, and emotive guitar outro that fades into guitar noise and whimpering, pretentious vocals)

one . . .
eight-hundred . .
S - C - R - A - B - B - L - E

I'm Sorry

Dee Dee Myers: Seductress

I Want You

You told me to get the Hell out of your room
Because my Valentine's gift was really lame.
You made me quit playing with your Doom
Without letting me save my game.

You said you didn't think it was funny,
Giving you a gift involving words.
I really wish I had more money
And not just an ass full of turds.

CHORUS
I want you more than my Saves the Day poster.
I want you more than my autographed CD of Milemarker.
I'll do whatever I have to do to be close to you.
Because, right now, I want to put my lips on you.

I'm counting the days until
You let me touch your vagina again.
I'm really hoping it's one or two
But I know it'll be more like nine or ten.

Can I please come over to see you?
We can drink root beer next to your parents' pool.
There are so many things I wish we could do,
Like stuff they warned us about in Sunday School.

DOUBLE CHORUS

INSTRUMENTAL BREAK

Can we get back to makin' out
So my penis you'll be takin' out?
I want to be your best friend
So I can feel your breasts again.
My life is so boring without you
Is there something I can do
To make you want to tolerate me again . . ?

DOUBLE CHORUS AND OUT

Caprica 6:

(to the tune of "you are my sunshine")

Chorus:

What was I thinking
To give you scrabble
Can you forgive me
For the size "travel"
What more can I say
This Valentine's Day
I wish instead I'd bought
Deluxe Monopoly


How could I make such
A tragic mistake
You're worth so much more
To me than this game
I am a raisin
You are a fruitcake
My love for you is
A six-hundred pound man

Chorus

In case it's not clear
I'm really trying
To prove to you, dear
That I'm not lying
And though you can't tell
Jesus is crying
I am the devil
You're the fiery depths of hell

Chorus

Richard Hatch:

Scrabble Game
(sung to the tune of "Yesterday")

Yesterday,
I ruined your Valentine's Day,
You hated the travel game,
Now all alone I must play.

Slammed the door,
And called me an unfeeling bore,
Don't appreciate a double word score,
Oh I gave you a Scrabble game.

Why you hate my gift and are miffed,
I'll never know.
I do everything wrong so I'll cry and then I'll go.

You hate me,
Crashed my new car into a big tree,
I keep telling you I'm so sorry.
I love you more than you love me.

Why you hate my gift and are miffed,
I'll never know.
I do everything wrong so I'll cry and then I'll go.

Scrabble game,
Was something that you loved to play,
But you threw the travel one away.
Oh I ruined your Valentine's Day.
M-m-m-m-m-mm.

Viv Savage:

Sometimes, woman, when I see you in the mirror
Putting on your makeup,
Telling me to turn the reistat down
Turn the resitat down, already,
Sometimes, then, I'm so in love with you
That I almost ask you to marry me,
To live with me and have my children
But I never do, Susan, I never do.

[refrain]
Because Susan thinks that marriage is a construct of male-dominated hierarchy!
Susan squints and shakes her head...
Susan squints and shakes her head!
Because Susan thinks that marriage necessitates a filter of inequality!
Susan squints and shakes her head...
Susan squints and shakes her head!
Oh Susan, you sign my name on credit card slips...
You're so confusing!
You make me crazy, and I'm almost positive that's a big part of why I love you!

Sometimes, woman, when you're putting on your clothes
Putting on your bra,
Telling me to get the fuck away from you,
Get the fuck away from you, already,
Sometimes, then, I want to have sex with you so much
That I almost offer to take you to dinner in the city
Buy you reduced-for-quick-sale roses and get you dangerously drunk
But I never do, Susan, I never do.

[refrain]
Because Susan thinks that sexual activity is a construct of male-dominated hierarchy!
Susan squints and shakes her head...
Susan squints and shakes her head!
Because Susan thinks that sexual activity necessitates a filter of inequality!
Susan squints and shakes her head...
Susan squints and shakes her head!
Oh Susan, I found your porn stashed in the dining hutch...
You're so confusing!
You make me crazy, and I?m almost positive that's a big part of why I love you!

Thrackazog:

Burning For You

That first night
When I saw your awkward, lopsided breasts from across the room
I knew that we were meant to be there together
Because we both got invitations to the same party

And neither of us had anything better to do
Because we are both so desperately horny and lonely
My 23 year old female live-in sexual partner
So desperately horny and lonely

Then I noticed that your lazy eye looked right through me
Since you were actually looking at my reflection in a mirror
But then, eventually, you figured out that I looked too two dimensional
To be real

So I walked over by you to get some dip
And your good eye met mine
And the flame grew
YEAH IT GREWWW-EWWW-EWWW

Cuz when your hair caught fire at the party that night
I thought to myself
I hope that this female in her early twenties
Doesn't burn her face

Whoa-ooo-ohh-oh-oh
Because I'd like to make out with you later

Whoa-ooo-ohh-oh-oh
Maybe get in your pants

Whoa-ooo-ohh-oh-oh
I'd like to make out with you later

Whoa-ooo-ohh-oh-oh
Unzip those jeans with my teeth

I put your hair out by dumping my beer on your head
And you looked up at me
Kind of
With your good eye

It was then that I knew
That you and I were going to do it, lady
That's right, I knew
It was obvious to us both, woman
That you needed a hero and I needed a hole
But then we felt the burning?

Cuz when your hair caught fire at the party that night
I thought to myself
I hope she doesn't lose consciousness
Or need any medical help

Whoa-ooo-ohh-oh-oh
Because I wanted my tongue in your mouth that night

Whoa-ooo-ohh-oh-oh
Bury my face in those breasts

Whoa-ooo-ohh-oh-oh
Get my tongue halfway down your throat, girl

Whoa-ooo-ohh-oh-oh
Hoped you'd give me hand release

But now you're still around
And most of your hair has grown back
So I just want you to know
My semi-attractive 23 year old female live-in sexual partner
That I'll keep you around until something better comes along
Yes I will

OK, so the deadline was last night, and we've got enough entries to play, but some people who bought into the prize pool haven't entered yet. So, given my new, less tyrannical outlook on the game, I'm going to rattle some chains and see if I can't get a few more entries to trickle in. Will advise.