Audioblogger's on the fritz again. Tribal Council will be posted as soon as it works. There's no way I'm posting a text version of my Peter, Paul & Mary/Rammstein medley.

One More Time: Entries for Week 19

Our two remaining castaways were asked to come up with a nasty Amazon user review. They did.

Bob Vila:

The Ugliest Ten Thousand Dollars You Will Ever Spend

Here with this hideous bracelet we have the epitome of self-indulgence and stupidity. Any egotistical bastard that would cough up $10K for some piece of metal with shiny things in it needs to be dragged out in the street and shot with a lead bullet, preferably a lead bullet of equal weight to this cheap 18K gold-plated shitball. Ten thousand dollars is a down payment, or a decent used car, or ten thousand double cheeseburgers from McDonald's. Hell-bent on your appearance? This is the hunk of crap for you, with black accents to match the cold, black, fist-sized rock that used to be your heart and soul.

Star Jones:

I knew that Bob Vila was a recognized expert in the field of home repair. It was this reputation that led me to buying his "Complete Guide to Remodeling Your Home". I had lots of electrical projects to do and who could be better than the "#1 Home Improvement Expert" at your side while doing these important projects?

I think a crack addicted colorblind electrician would have helped more.

First of all, I've seen better writing from farm animals. The primary instructions from the book were "refer to diagram" or "see photo". When a diagram could be found, it looked like it was drawn with a crayon by an epileptic retard.

An even bigger problem was that 100% of the photo's were black and white. How can you tell the difference between a green wire and a red wire in a fucking black and white photo?

The fire inspector said that the house is likely a complete loss, and that I was lucky to get out alive. I now live in a charred, smokey pile of rubble with the clothes on my back and your, apparently fireproof, book. Lucky? I don't think so. Pissed? Oh yeah.

You know who IS lucky Bob? You are. I'm guessing you took my $35.95 and hired a good bodyguard because he always seems to be in my line of fire and won't take a bribe. Not yet anyway.

I'd suggest you stick to the scripts, and managing your perfectly coifed hair and makeup that hides the "I don't know what I'm saying" look on your face. Leave the home improvement book writing to people who really know their shit. Somebody like Tim Taylor.